Who Is Becca?

Hey Guys, It has been a hot minute since I have posted. Seriously...almost a year. I'm truly sorry about that. As you can probably guess a lot has happened since I posted last... A lot. I graduated high school in June and moved out a few weeks later. And because I know you are wondering, no I am not going to college. I live in a little town about 25 minutes from my Dad's house. I have a roommate and we live in a tiny two bedroom apartment. My roommate works full time and I work part-time at a grocery store. I don't make very much money at the grocery store so I am trying to find a different job. I have applied to like twenty different jobs and haven't gotten any of them. So far I have learned that food is expensive, finding a job is super hard, and I have no idea who I am as a person. I have literally no clue who I am on my own. For some reason, after I left my dad's house, I lost a lot of friends. Well actually I wouldn't say I lost them but rather they became distant. I think this was happening before I left but I really noticed when I moved. Needless to say, it has been a lonely six-ish weeks. Having like two friends and not really having a job makes or a pretty boring life, which gives you an awful lot of time to think. Ironically my roommate left on a four month mission trip like three days after I moved in.  Which left me alone with no friends and barely any job, but a lot of time to think. I was thinking so much that I realized that I have absolutely no freaking clue who I am as a person. Like not even the slightest idea. All my life I have has some sort of title or thing that made me who I was. Like the girl who was homeschooled... well I graduated. The girl who did a ton of farm work...well I moved out. And the list goes on and on. But somehow when I moved away, all of those things weren't relevant anymore. I wasn't any of those things anymore...so basically, I'm nothing.
To be completely honest with you, this period of my life has been the loneliest time ever. Now I know you are sitting there thinking, "Um Becca, You only moved 25 minutes away and have only been gone for 6 weeks". My response to that is, "I know and that is what gives me hope that this season of loneliness won't last forever". I have never felt so lost and confused in my entire life. Plenty of people told me I would go through this and how I didn't know who I was yet, so on and so forth. I believed that I would but I had no idea it would be so lonely.
Before my roommate got back, I left to house sit for two weeks so I have had just as much time to think. I have pondered for days how to get myself out of this rut where I find myself so lost and lonely. Nothing even halfway decent was coming to mind until this evening. I realized that because I had no idea who I am without everything I grew up with, I could choose to be whoever I wanted to be. I don't have to be a farmer or a homeschool kid. I don't have too look a certain way or act a certain way. I can be whoever I want to be I can peruse whatever career I want, I can look and wear whatever I want, I can work out and eat healthily, or I can be fat and eat Oreos all day. (Though to be honest with you I'm gonna work out and eat healthily) My point is no one can tell me who I can or should be. I know you are probably sitting there thinking, well duh, but you have no idea how huge this is for me! I have no idea who I want to be or any of that, but I hope you will stay with me while I try to figure it out. I plan on talking with you guys more often. (Obviously cause I have no other friends)
To my friends out there, I hope you read this. I really hope somehow you see how much I need Y'all right now. I really hope somehow, some way you can see how important you are to me but how badly I need you to understand that I am changing from whoever I was before into whoever I'm gonna become.
Thank you, dear reader, for reading this far! This blog, and it's readers have meant so much to me over the past few years. Thanks for not exing the tab, and for seriousness, if you read this and have something to say about it, comment or shoot me a message.
Thanks for everything peeps!

xoxo

Becca

P.S. That is a new signing thing I'm trying.