Perseverance

This evening I sat on my couch and balled like a baby because my day had been so bad. Not because it was a bad or hard day but because I made it bad. We were snowed in today and so I let that get to me. Then my two younger siblings were driving me crazy. When you put the two together it's not actually that bad, but I let everything get to me. That made a perfectly fine day into a really bad day.It was no ones fault but mine.
Recently I wrote a post about insecurities. In the post I mentioned that I really didn't deal with many insecurities.Proverbs 16:18 says "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before the fall." The statement I made was very prideful and for that I apologize. But here is my fall. When I was younger I started building myself up by telling myself that I was better then everyone else. It started when I was about eleven and it is still a problem to this day. It is an extremely prideful thing to do and it has truly lead to many falls. The truth is I'm not better then anyone. I'm far from perfect and I'm not just saying that. I'm being so honest with you. I am just as fallen, if not more, then everyone else. I have insecurities about my character. I'm not kind enough; I'm not patient enough; I'm not loving enough; I don't care enough about others; Everything is way too focused on me; I'm not happy enough; I'm too pessimistic; These are real things I deal with every day. Every day I fail and that is why I was crying on the couch tonight. I failed so badly today and yesterday and every day before. I snapped way to many times and I let things get to me that shouldn't have. I thought that once I let God work in my life all of this would go away. Like I would magically become this women who loved, cared,

was patient, and pretty much was perfect.But that just isn't how it works. God doesn't work overnight as I am learning. His work is painful and its so hard but isn't it worth it?
Of all the people in the Bible who persevered in hardship and learning, Job was defiantly the strongest example. James 5;11 says "As you know, we count as blessed those who persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." Job experienced more hardship in his life then I could ever imagine. He lost all of his land, his children, his money, his friends and his wife was not very supportive. He was left with sores all over his body, a nagging wife and three friends who only ever told him he must have really screwed up. If Job had only cursed God he would have been relieved of all of this pain. But he didn't. he persevered like no other and finally God rebuilt his life but twice as good as it was before.I love this line "The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." God shows me his compassion, grace and mercy everyday. I am so undeserving of Him and his love. It amazes me.
1 Chronicles 16;11 says "Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." I can't be half the person I want to be without God's strength and I can only get that strength by seeking him. Jesus says it plainly in John 15:4 "Remain in me, as I also will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."
I don't have much of a conclusion to this. All I can say is I cannot do this without God. I must remain in him and he also will remain in me. Please pray for me as I embark on this adventure.

You Are Beloved

Recently I was listening to K-Love on my way to work. They just started this thing where they have the artist of a song come in, and talk about why they wrote the song. They were doing this with Jordan Feliz, the artist behind the song Beloved. He said he had just had a baby daughter and him and some other new dads of girls were talking about what their daughters were going to have to face, growing up in the world today. He said as they talked about it, the list was endless of all the insecurities their daughters were going to face. Because of this conversation, he started writing the song Beloved.
I don't know if you have heard the song but you can read the lyrics here. This song has left a big impact on me but not because I deal with many insecurities. I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse but for the most part, in my life, I have had very few insecurities regarding my appearance and character. It's not that I didn't experience them but more they weren't a big thing to me. I know that, in most girls lives, this is not the case. I have watched my sisters, my friends, and my friends friends deal with the hardship of insecurities. There are so many expectations for girls and women this day and age. There are expectations in how we look, in how we live and in who we love. There are expectations in how we carry ourselves and what jobs we get. There are expectations in how good our grades our and where we go to collage. The list is practically endless. These expectations are made by how society thinks we should live. But the truth of the matter is, is society's standards are, well, stupid. There is really no better way to put it. The problem with society's standards is they are unrealistic and honestly, far from good. And just because they are what is 'in', doesn't mean they are actually something that you will enjoy. I'm tired of girls and women beating themselves up because they can't be like the women on the cover of Vogue. Those women aren't real. Yes, they are real women but their bodies don't look like that in real life because there is such a thing a Photoshop. Changing yourself, how you look and what you like, so you will be like them is a waste of time. It is their job to look and dress how society says they should. But after they get off work they go eat pizza and watch Netflix just like you do. It's like this because they are just as much human beings as you and I. God created us all uniquely and He loves us all just like he made us. I mean He chose to make us the way we are, of course He is gonna love it!
My favorite line in this song Beloved by Jordan Feliz is "Your heat is beating, alive a breathing, and there's a reason why. You are essential, not accidental!" I love that because it is so true. There is reason a mighty creator chose to create you, and create you just the way you are. To all the girls reading this, please don't compare yourself to the standards of society. You are worth so much more. The way that you are, right now, is perfect. And you don't need the world, or a boy, or your peers, or your parents to tell you because God already did. Psalm 139:14 says "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and Your works are wonderful. I know that full well." When God made you, He didn't just say "Oh I guess this will do.' No! Luke 12:7 say "Indeed the very hairs on your head are numbered. Do not be afraid:You are worth more then many sparrows!" God took so much time on you making you perfect, He even knows exactly how many hairs are on your head.
The picture above is a candid picture of me taken the other day during a photo shoot with my beloved boyfriend. I love this picture because it is just a picture of me in all my glory. ;) Ladies, you are a gem! As I like to say "Embrace your own face" because you are perfect just the way you are!