Perseverance

This evening I sat on my couch and balled like a baby because my day had been so bad. Not because it was a bad or hard day but because I made it bad. We were snowed in today and so I let that get to me. Then my two younger siblings were driving me crazy. When you put the two together it's not actually that bad, but I let everything get to me. That made a perfectly fine day into a really bad day.It was no ones fault but mine.
Recently I wrote a post about insecurities. In the post I mentioned that I really didn't deal with many insecurities.Proverbs 16:18 says "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before the fall." The statement I made was very prideful and for that I apologize. But here is my fall. When I was younger I started building myself up by telling myself that I was better then everyone else. It started when I was about eleven and it is still a problem to this day. It is an extremely prideful thing to do and it has truly lead to many falls. The truth is I'm not better then anyone. I'm far from perfect and I'm not just saying that. I'm being so honest with you. I am just as fallen, if not more, then everyone else. I have insecurities about my character. I'm not kind enough; I'm not patient enough; I'm not loving enough; I don't care enough about others; Everything is way too focused on me; I'm not happy enough; I'm too pessimistic; These are real things I deal with every day. Every day I fail and that is why I was crying on the couch tonight. I failed so badly today and yesterday and every day before. I snapped way to many times and I let things get to me that shouldn't have. I thought that once I let God work in my life all of this would go away. Like I would magically become this women who loved, cared,

was patient, and pretty much was perfect.But that just isn't how it works. God doesn't work overnight as I am learning. His work is painful and its so hard but isn't it worth it?
Of all the people in the Bible who persevered in hardship and learning, Job was defiantly the strongest example. James 5;11 says "As you know, we count as blessed those who persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." Job experienced more hardship in his life then I could ever imagine. He lost all of his land, his children, his money, his friends and his wife was not very supportive. He was left with sores all over his body, a nagging wife and three friends who only ever told him he must have really screwed up. If Job had only cursed God he would have been relieved of all of this pain. But he didn't. he persevered like no other and finally God rebuilt his life but twice as good as it was before.I love this line "The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." God shows me his compassion, grace and mercy everyday. I am so undeserving of Him and his love. It amazes me.
1 Chronicles 16;11 says "Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." I can't be half the person I want to be without God's strength and I can only get that strength by seeking him. Jesus says it plainly in John 15:4 "Remain in me, as I also will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."
I don't have much of a conclusion to this. All I can say is I cannot do this without God. I must remain in him and he also will remain in me. Please pray for me as I embark on this adventure.