You Carry Me

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, the will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31 

I am about to turn seventeen. As many of you readers know, the past last year of my life was insane, to put it lightly. I have changed more in the past year then I have in my whole life. I have dived into the waters of God's love and man has He drenched me! I want to share my testimony of God's love in my life. Sit back and grab some popcorn because God is great! This my take a while...

I grew up around the bible and the knowledge of God. I knew everything there was to know about God and what He had done. Or so I thought. As a child I thought life was perfect. I was a good child. I was hardly ever misbehaved. God had to love me because I was so good right? Wrong. My whole entire life blew into a million pieces when my parents divorced.Why would God let something so horrible happen to me? What had I done wrong. This mindset started to develop in my brain and in my heart and I didn't even know it.After that I spent every waking hour trying to be good enough for everyone. I HAD to be good enough for my parents. I HAD to be good enough for my siblings. I HAD to be good enough for my friends. I HAD to be good enough for myself. Most of all I HAD to be good enough for God. Because if I wasn't good enough, He would leave me... He would leave me... He can't leave me... I did everything that I thought and was taught was right. I respected my parents. I went to church. I worked hard for my dad. I tried as hard as I could to be sweet, kind, and loving. And before I knew it, nine years of my life had pasted and God still didn't love me anymore then he had before. How could that be?I had done everything right, hadn't I? And why if I was doing everything right was I so depressed and dead inside? Did God not care at all? Did he just want to make my life miserable? Wouldn't he ever let something go my way?
Now I know what you are thinking, "well where is the moment where God swept in and changed your life an one instant??" I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't one. There is no one moment. Yes God did start changing my life, but there is a catch. I had to choose to LET God change me. Every day I have to choose to let God change me. I get up every morning and have to surrender everything to Him! Over and over again. It has been just about eight months since I surrendered myself to God truly. And I always thought when I truly gave myself to God, my life would change instantly. I would wake up the next day a brand new person. In a way I did.  But two days later I didn't feel brand new anymore. I expected for that feeling of being a new person would come back. But it never really has. Now it isn't a brand new feeling but a feeling of joy and deep pure love.
After the feeling of brand newness left, my life didn't really change drastically like I thought it would. But rather very slowly. I mean, I am eight months in and I still am being changed. My depressed self didn't evaporate into thin air and suddenly became joyful and fulfilled. Sometimes it felt like it just got deeper. But one thing in me did change that night and I know has never come back. I no longer believed God was out to get me or that I have to earn his love. My mind set completely changed. Ever since then my life has been slowly but surely changing. God has been changing my heart which then changes my life.
Earlier today I was cleaning my room and listening to some of my old favorite songs. You Carry Me by Moriah Peters came up. (Listen to it here) I love the chorus of that song. It says "Every moment of my life, God you never left my side! Every valley, every storm, You were there, You were there! I don't need to know what's next! You'll be with me every step! Through it all, Through it all, I can see, You carry me!" 
God has NEVER EVER given up on me or walked out on me. Not because of something I did but simply because he loves me. He love ME . ME! I'm broken and useless but I have worth in him. The only reason I am worth anything is because He loves me! Without that love I am a worthless ball of dust. I am nothing. He doesn't need me at all, but He couldn't love me more!
God is at constant work in my life. I don't believe he will ever stop working on me. At lest I sure hope not! He is so good and so faithful! This is far from my story but rather his story! I am just his main character! I am so lucky to live in his story book!

In closing I just want to remind you that my life isn't perfect. God has worked in my life and he is changing me from the inside out! There is no doubt about that. But by no means does that mean I don't mess up and trip in my life! I have my bad days and my good days. Some days I get so frustrated at life and I don't understand why I am living it. But life is beautiful and created by God himself! It is so worth all the heart ache and pain that comes with it.
I encourage you,
reader, to purse God with all your heart! I promise you won't regret it!